she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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