i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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