Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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