xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
