i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
