just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
