no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
