i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
