she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
