Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
