things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
