the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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