question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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