We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
