With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
