I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize