He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
