Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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