don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
