the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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