I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
