it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There's even glitter on my cock...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
