You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize