I wish I could teleport
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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