ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
