After last night, I could never be a politician.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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