well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
