can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
