i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
