census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
