Fine. I'll sleep in my office
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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