meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
