so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
