hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
