I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
