so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
