Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
