Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
