I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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