I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
