1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
