did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have aggressive nipples.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
