you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
