Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
