at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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