Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
