so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
