i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
