He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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