how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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