My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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