six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
