i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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