If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
