You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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