I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
