How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
