Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
