I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
