this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Alive.
So much puke
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
