she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
