official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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